Happy Thanksgiving from TNL

Before we run off and enjoy the busiest drinking night of the year* and then stumble out of bed around the crack of noon to gorge ourselves on Meleagris gallopavo and Pumpkin Pie**, we would like to wish everyone a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

With that in mind I would like to give you my list of things I'm thankful for in 2009 (not in any coherent order):

• Football
  

  Of course this goes without saying, I would not have started this blog had I not loved football, but this year was a really good year. Think about it, we saw underdog programs like TCU, Boise, and Cincinnati crash the BCS party making a mockery of a sham of a system. USC lost their usual head scratcher of a game and then got unceremoniously dumped from the Pac 10 race by none other than Stanford and their flamboyant coach by a score the likes of which was never before witnessed by Trojan players. Both Michigan and Notre Dame teased the mindless drones of the media early in the season making them take notice and begin salivating before getting flushed down the shitter. Admit it, the heart attack kids from Iowa were a fun bunch to watch, yeah you knew they would eventually loose but watching the miracle comebacks week after week was extremely entertaining. Pitt is once again relevant and you know what that means this offseason: talks of "the rivalry" will certainly pass the time. All in all, not a bad season of football and I for one am thankful
  

• Charlie Weis and Dick Rod
Speaking of Michigan and Notre Dame, how could you not love these two guys? And by love I mean how can you not love to watch two programs you love to hate, that once loved these guys, fall flat on their faces. It's a cornucopia of schadenfreude. The total arrogance of Weis with his flaunting of his super bowl rings, his now famous "9-3 isn't good enough" line after his first season, the botched gastric bypass and the corresponding FAILed malpractice lawsuit, he's the gift of FAIL that keeps on FAILing and it couldn't happen to a more arrogant school with a more arrogant fan base. I'm going to miss that fat bastard.

Then there's Rodriguez, the man that was going to bring the spread to Michigan and take the Big Ten by storm. Two seasons a record of 8-16 and a last place finish in the Big Ten this year' how's that working out for ya, Michigan fans? Rodriguez was Penn State's answer to "the streak" and how can I not be thankful for that? Thanks Dick Rod.


• Fantasy Football

  Yes Fantasy Football is very frustrating and no I haven't won dick in half a decade now but it's still fun to play. If it were not for fantasy football I wouldn't even watch the Pros. But thanks to it, every Sunday I'm at my local watering hole that has 10 TV's and the NFL ticket bouncing around from TV to TV like a drunken butterfly following my players. I honestly don't even have a team to root for; I just pray that the game in which my QB is playing goes into overtime so I get those bonus points.
  

• Boobs
  

  Yeah it's juvenile but I can't help myself; there are two things that make anything better, Boobs and bacon. I'm 36 years old and yet there's nothing that can get my attention like boobs. In fact, if only for a very short time, when I see these they trump everything else on my list. The male fixation with boobs is primal, now I can't explain it but if you want an explanation here's a great book that can (it's also the best book I read in 2009). Hey, there's a reason I read Boiled Sports and that's Sideboob Friday.
  

• DVR
  

  Still don't know how I lived without this thing. Record your series of shows you like, watch them whenever you like. Best… invention… ever.
  

• Beer

Always have been and always will be thankful for beer. We can sit and wax poetically about which beer is the best but at the end of the day we all love it.

"The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer."- Egyptian Proverb

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."- Homer Simpson

Happy Thanksgiving from TNL everyone!

*no really the night before Thanksgiving is one of the best selling and busiest nights for bars and clubs

**by the way, this is how pumpkin pie is made:

Sparty sucks! The return of Farkin’ Friday

It's been a very, very long time since I've flexed my Photoshop muscles and I was board the other night, and hey… it's rivalry week! Ok, it may be a manufactured rivalry but if it walks like a steroid freak, talks like a steroid freak, and gets angry for seemingly random reasons, it's probably a steroid enhanced freak of a mascot, and guess what, he can't dance. Oh he'll try…

*Click on to any to embiggen

But football fields aren't the venue for breakdancin' no, Sparty needs the big stage.

Or even a bigger stage…

Or even a video, and not just any video mind you, with a dancer like Sparty you need someone with similar awesome dance skills and who better than one of the best dancers of all time!

STOP! Spartytime.

Go STATE!

Beat Sparty!

Best wishes Chuck Weis!

This is awesomeness at totally new levels.

And what makes it even more delicious is that it was paid for by a former Irish linebacker who lettered in 1967.

Reynolds is a retired college marketing professor who lettered for the Irish in 1967. He claims to represent roughly 50 former Irish football players, mostly from his era, who are like-minded in their opinion of Weis' 29-21 record after four seasons.

Yeah but… fun's over.

Burkhart Advertising, which leases billboard space, on Thursday took down a controversial billboard poking fun at Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis.

Notre Dame officials deny having anything to do with having the billboard removed.

Uh huh.

Penn State fans do their part

Davy Jones (hey, I always give credit no matter how much of an ass he is) found a great article publishing the results of a player survey of the Wisconsin Badgers and the Beav comes out as the toughest place to play.

"It might be my most horrible memory, but Penn State was the best stadium I've played in. It's 100,000 people and it rises over you. It's crazy there." — receiver David Gilreath

The toughest stadium to play in is Beaver Stadium, Penn State -- by far. That was the loudest I've ever heard. Worst stadium, I'd have to say, is Minnesota (Metrodome). That was crappy." — offensive tackle Gabe Carimi

We don't get to play them this year, but definitely Penn State. Their crowd is definitely the rowdiest crowd that I've ever played against, and it's just fun to play there -- and I'd love to get an upset there." — linebacker Culmer St. Jean

Way to go Penn State fans, give yourselves a big hand.

Obama’s health care plan: beer

That's his racial health care plan. If you've been in a cave with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears follow that link and read about the racial tension between professor Gates and police Sgt. Crowley. Quite frankly I don't care and you know TNL's long standing tradition about Politics and Religion: whether it's in a bar or on a blog, don't discuss either. Unless that's what your blog is about and then by all means argue away like the retards you are.

While we're not here to discuss the politics of this story we are here to discuss something that is near and dear to our hearts at TNL: beer. To diffuse the situation President Obama invited Gates and Crowley to the White House Rose Garden to discuss the whole situation over a Beer. TNL vastly approves of this conciliation technique and we feel it should be used in all discussions, arguments, board meetings, senate hearings, or hostage negations. Pretty much any situation can be smoothed over with beer, it's the solution to* all of life's problems. Now the outcome of negations is really of no concern, what we are really interested is this picture that's worth a thousand words:

There's nothing like the president of the most powerful nation in the world drinkin' a cold one. While the outcome of the meeting doesn't intrigue us there is something that is of dire concern: what beer did they choose. A beer says a LOT about a man and they didn't disappoint.

Gates and Crowley, dressed in dark suits, had Sam Adams Light and Blue Moon, respectively, while Obama, in rolled-up shirt sleeves, had a Bud Light.

As an avid Bud Light** drinker, I endorse the president's choice especially the message the "light" beer sends to the public considering we're in the middle of accepting his Health Care plan. Nothing says I'm trying to watch my waist (and indirectly my health) like a light beer. Ditto to Mr. Gates for choosing a light albeit one with more taste and speaking of taste, I can't help but applaud Mr. Crowley's choice of Blue Moon – an excellent beer. There is however, no way to tell if Crowley used an orange wedge or not, probably not, since he doesn't want to come off too girly, he is a police sergeant, but we wouldn't hold it against him just the same. While the President's choice of beer gives hope for the nation there's another, hidden member of the "Beer Summit" that scares the Hell out of us.

Biden joined them for a non-alcoholic Buckler beer.

Christ Biden, what the Hell!? Can you be any more of a pussy? It gives me great pause to know that the guy that is one sudden heart attack away from running this country drinks non-alcoholic beer. I'd have more respect if he drank a fucking coke for crying out loud. Whatever happens in the next four years we must protect Obama's life at all costs, we don't want Near Beer Biden running the country.

*and a great man once said the '…and the cause of'

**not by choice by caloric necessity

Blog Chips: The Big Ten Media Day 1 edition

Lots of items of interest out of the first day of the Big Ten media days in Chicago. The Big Ten media voted Terrelle Pryor as the league's preseason Offensive Player of the Year instead of Daryll Clark and Cory Giger of the Altoona Mirror is having none of it.

Daryll Clark is better than Terrelle Pryor right now. Hands down.

Until Pryor proves differently on the field, I'll take Clark
in a heartbeat.

Somehow, though, most people seem to believe Pryor has
gotten so much better during the offseason that he, not Clark, will be the Big Ten's best QB this year.

What is everyone basing this on? Easy. Potential
and hype.

You want concrete evidence of the difference between the two QB's, Giger's got you covered.

Clark threw for 2,592 yards last season, Pryor 1,311.

Clark threw 19 TDs, Pryor 12.

Pryor ran for 631 yards to Clark's 282, but Clark had 10 rushing TDs to Pryor's six.

Where's the logic in assuming Pryor will make up all of that ground and even more this year?

Someone forgot to tell Cory that hype is what drives paper sales and if there's one town that owns the patent to super-over-hype its Columbus.

Paterno dropped the bombshell that tackle Abe Koroma and cornerback A.J. Wallace may be gone from the team.

"Wallace has a question with cutting some classes," said Paterno after his stint atop the Big Ten media day dais. "Koroma's got some personal problems. I'm not sure what's going to happen. I doubt if Koroma will be because he really has got some problems."

The loss of Koroma won't be a huge blow, he wasn't projected to be a starter and Penn State has a lot of young guys at that position but Wallace's impact will be huge. Not only was he suppose to be the experienced guy in a secondary full of fresh faces but losing him as a return man drops PSU from one of the best return teams in the Big Ten to something around average. We've covered this before but cutting classes will get you in a lot more trouble than any other off the field indiscretions in Paterno's world. If Wallace does manage to stay on the team he will be climbing out of Joe's doghouse for a while. The most interesting quote (interesting in a serious way) from Paterno was about the uncertainty of his team.

"I would just like to answer some questions. I don't want to get into some things as to where our football team is exactly because I'm not quite sure right now where we are for a lot of reasons," Paterno said. "We're going to have to take some young people and put them in key spots. There will probably be a couple of kids I haven't seen play yet. But that will go on for a while."

Hmmm, could that possibly mean that Paterno thinks some of the incoming freshman will have significant roles in the upcoming season? My Paternoese is a little rusty but I think that is what he's getting at.

Now that all the serious stuff is up to date, how about some typical Paterno fun quotes?
Of course the first question of the day for Paterno was about retirement and his response:

"Oh, I'd miss you guys," Paterno said when asked what brings him back. "What else would I do on a beautiful July day?"

Paterno's not real keen on twitter either.

"What do you guys call those things? Tweedle-doo? Tweedle-dee? I haven't got the slightest idea what you're looking at."

Talk to your son Joe, he knows a little something about Twitter.
Finally, Wisconsin coach Brett Bielema has his doubts about visiting Happy Valley, especially when you beat Penn State.

"You go to Penn State and beat them and you don't have hot water. He (Paterno) has a little switch by his office, I swear," Bielema said.

Just be thankful he only pulled the "cold water" switch on you Brett, other coaches have been known to disappear after bad losses.

We Came In Peace

A mere 65 years after we learned to fly, we fulfilled a promise 40 years ago tonight:



It's still mind blowing to this day.


FYI, if you're interested three Penn State alumni have flown in space, but none on the Apollo missions. They are:
- Paul Weitz (NASA/Wikipedia)
- Robert Cenker (NASA/Wikipedia)
- Guion S. Bluford Jr. - the first African-American astronaut (NASA/Wikipedia)
as well as current Assistant Professor of Kinesiology at Penn State,
- James Pawelczyk (NASA/Wikipedia)

Penn State + Korn + Grange Fairgrounds = Rivalry Nights?

On Sept. 25^th, the Friday before the Penn State – Iowa game, the Grange Fairgrounds in Centre Hall will be the sight of Rivalry Nights. What is Rivalry Nights? Founder Cary Floyd describes it as the "ultimate pre-game tailgate party." The band Korn (really!?! Korn is playing at the Grange?!?!) will be the night's "world-class music" as the website describes and tickets can be purchased for 30 bucks. You need more hype to get you there? Oh fear not slobbering masses, I've got just the thing:

The Web site depicts a 17-acre venue sectioned off for a concert, punt, pass and kick competition, beer and barbecue, wrestling and fighting, basketball, car show, pep rallies for both teams and touch football with Rivalry Girls, among other things. ESPN Radio will broadcast from the venue, according to online material.

You had me at "beer" but if this is what passes for a player in "touch" football sign me up.

God I hope it's two-hand touch!

Lift for Life teams announced

Don't forget you can help by donating to support your favorite player. BSD man crush Graham Zug has only raised $625 dollars! Where is the loyal BSD nation?!? You call yourselves football fans; you're going to let down your intergalactic leader. Along with Zug (who happens to be on the "We're Going In" team), the teams have been announced for Friday. There are always some clever names I'll just share a few of my favorites.

4th & Long
Jeremy Boone
Colin Wagner
David Soldner
Ryan Breen

-a bunch of kickers on a team called "4^th & Long" is a rather obvious choice if you ask me

Three Men and a Frog
Pat Mauti
Dennis Landolt
Tom Golarz
Jesse Alfreno

-ok someone please explain this one to me, am I missing the obvious?

We're Going In
James McDonald
Kevin Newsome
Chris Colasanti
Graham Zug

-is that a question or a statement? I would have called it "McDonald's farm" myself

Rent Paid
Evan Royster
Larry Federoff
Josh Matzkin
Cedric Jeffries

-always a good thing

You Three & Dupree
Stephon Obeng-Agyapong
Andre Dupree
D.R. Refice
Pat Zerbe

-Obvious yet funny

Restretch McGloin
Matt McGloin
D'Anton Lynn
Andrew Goodman
Ryan Schere

-at least they didn't name it "McGloin Injury" that would be bad Juju

What, there are no fat chicks in Iowa?

Iowa offensive tackle Kyle Calloway will be suspended for a game and complete community service after being arrested this weekend for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Pretty standard stupid college kid stuff, I mean his BAC was a pedestrian .106 which was probably 4 beers for a man of his stature but what makes this newsworthy is this:

Calloway was arrested after officers stopped him while he was driving a moped into a barricaded area.

An offensive lineman… on a moped… gratuitous pic in 3…2…1…

Good God man, a moped? Forget the DUI, Mr. Calloway should be rung up on felony charges of getting caught riding a freakin' moped! You know the rules, there are two things that are fun to ride but you wouldn't want your friends to catch you on them: mopeds and fat chicks. Perhaps Kyle should have opted for the latter Saturday night.

"I was very disappointed to learn of Kyle's poor judgment," [Iowa coach Kirk] Ferentz said in a statement.

We're all disappointed in Kyle's judgment Kirk, and it has nothing to do with drinking and driving.

Ed. Note: I should have guessed these guys would beat me to the punch and I should have guessed that they would also take the first google result for “fat guy on a moped.” Great, now they think I stole from them and that means drunken, expletive filled e-mails from Hawkeye State or OPS.

Obama to bail out Detroit again

President Obama announced Sunday that he will bail out another failing Detroit business: the Red Wings. "It's apparent with the Detroit Red Wings play in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals that they need help from this administration," Obama said. "We have to be proactive, we can't wait for things to spiral out of control." Detroit lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals on their home ice in front of throngs of disappointed fans.

General manager Ken Holland was thankful for any help he could get. "Let's face it," Holland said, "we're not the team we once were, Pittsburgh is younger and more financially sound." Ironically, it was Pittsburgh that almost lost its franchise a few years back but with young stars like Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin the Penguins are a team on the rise. "We only have ourselves to blame," a humbled Holland said, "bad deals have left us in this position and the only way out is help from the government." Details of the deal have yet to be finalized but one of the major points of the agreement is naming rights. "The Hockeytown brand will now reside in Pittsburgh," Obama said "we can't honestly call a team that loses game 7 on home Ice Hockeytown." Philadelphia Flyers officials could not be reached for comment but it's certain that Pittsburgh's in-state little brother won't be happy with the news of the new Hockeytown.

Jay Paterno is my blogspot neighbor

Since April 7^th Jay Paterno has been writing (well sort of) on his blog (the appropriately named) HD Journal. Writing in the sense that he has three posts in a month's time: one to explain the site, one to talk about baseball and one to answer his twitter questions that became too numerous to answer in 140 characters or less.

All this time Jay's been my blogspot neighbor and he's never stopped by to say hi or borrow a cup or sugar or something. I'm so disillusioned.

President Obama needs bloggers’ help

President Obama learned a very valuable lesson, one that every blogger, no matter how big or small has learned the hard way: No matter how well you manage your online forum it's nearly impossible to keep out the trolls.

President Obama's pledge to open the White House up to the public through online forums faces an irksome challenge: a plague of Internet "trolls" -- troublemakers who work to derail cyber-conversations through harassing and inflammatory posts.

The problem became immediately apparent last month when Obama held an online "town hall" forum on the economy and invited the public to post questions on the hite House Web site.

Those questions, in turn, were voted on by users to determine which ones the president would answer.

Three and a half million people participated in the event, but the "trolls" had their way: Following a coordinated campaign by marijuana advocates to vote their topic to the top of the list, questions on the future of the U.S. dollar and the rising unemployment rate were superseded by questions about legalizing pot as an economic remedy.

Ok, so we PSU bloggers have to deal with angry Pitt fans and Obama and his staff have to deal with a bunch of spaced out potheads waiting for their Pizza to be delivered, it's still a similar problem and unlike bloggers, the White House has to be careful not to sensor free speech. I can delete any lame-ass comment I wish (although I don't). The government is limited to censoring only hateful or bad language, if the comment is on topic there's little they can do and you better believe the ACLU will be watching very carefully.

Oh, and what was Obama's response about legalized Mary Jane?

The president himself had a good laugh about the volume of marijuana-related questions, saying, "I don't know what this says about the online audience -- we want to make sure that it was answered. The answer is, no, I don't think that is a good strategy to grow our economy."

Online audience? Oh you have no idea Mr. President, this just scratches the surface.

The Intertubes R weird: Exhibit B: TNL’s official plan to die

At some point in every guy's life one realizes that we aren't going to live forever. Usually this revelation is followed by dumping your girlfriend/wife, buying some completely frivolous toy (like oh, I don't know a motorcycle) and running off to some Caribbean island with someone 10 years younger than you. Hypothetically speaking, of course… that's not really my life. Not at all. *cough*

Anyway… a midlife crisis is just nature's way of dealing with the unknown because none of us really know when or how we are going to die. But if we could choose our final destinations, if we could pick how we go out; I can't think of a better way that this:

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn't be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

"We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do," said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

Key points: he won the bet and it was with two women. Dying of a massive heart attack after snogging two horny women for 12 hours is tops on TNL's official plan for the end and I can't think of anything that will beat it out at the moment. The fact that this is news proves that men are still in control at the switch at news agencies across the internet.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's a nice day in central PA I'm going to go for a bike ride and then finish packing for my trip to Jamaica in two weeks .

Michael Phelps and Mo Evans have something in common

And it appears to be their love of Mary Jane. The whole deal with Phelps took fire when this photo was revealed by a tabloid.

Now Phelps acted like a man, admitted his mistake, took full responsibility, and apologized. Here at TNL, we fully understand the social pressures that weigh on the decisions of a young man and while we would never, ever, EVER drink too much alcohol or smoke an illegal drug like pot… ever…

*awkward silence*

*sound of crickets chirping*

…we don't judge a man for making a mistake, especially when said person "mans-up" and admits his folly (take notes Barry Bonds). Apparently we're not alone, most of his major sponsors, while not condoning his actions, have stood by him. Companies like Visa Inc., Speedo, luxury Swiss watchmaker Omega and sports beverage PureSport's maker Human Performance Labs. Unfortunately there is one company that just can't forgive our beleaguered friend and that is Michigan-based sugar peddler Kellogg whose official statement is this:

Michael Phelps's behavior is "not consistent with the image of Kellogg."

Ah yes the "image" of Kellogg… do you by chance mean the Enriched Flour, High Fructose Corn Syrup laden sugar blankets you call:

Pop Tarts?

Or maybe the chocolate covered death wafers you call Chips Deluxe Chocolate Chip with Fudge Stripe cookies? You know, the cookies that have 110 calories and 6g of fat per fucking COOKIE*

I see the image you're going after Kellogg, forget the svelte swimming star with the eight gold medals whose prone to make the same mistakes most Americans make, no you apparently would prefer something more this style.

Since you are out a spokesperson, may I suggest something a little more appropriate for your artery clogging snacks, someone that gets your point across but can never die… how about the fat Homer Simpson in a Mu-mu?

Nothing says good eats like Homer in a cape and mu-mu!

Now I'm not saying Phelps should get a pass, another slip-up like this and something should be done but let's give the guy a break, he's only human and it's not like he got caught snorting blow of a dead hookers ass, it was a hit of pot. He made his mistake, apologized and it's time to move on. I'll tell you what, if Kellogg wants to sit on such a high horse… fine… Monday morning lets drug test every Kellogg corporate official. I'm talking every middle manager up to the CEO, let's screen them all for every drug under the sun. If everyone passes then they can pull their sponsorship but if just one fails it sure would look a bit hypocritical now wouldn't it? I'm willing to bet we could find some stuff a lot more interesting then pot in the company pond. What say you Kellogg? Deal?

*don't bother telling me they're good, I know they're good, everything that is bad for you tastes great, I'll bet they would taste especially good when you're high… or so I've heard.

Happy six more weeks of winter!

Yes!! It's that time of year again, when we torture small furry creatures by ripping them from their homes and applying nonsensical superstitions based on the weakest scientific evidence.

Scratched face in 3…2…1…

Punxsutawney Phil "emerged" (read: was dragged from a deep sleep) from his hole and saw his shadow which somehow translates into 6 more weeks of winter. Considering this winter has been A) freakin' cold as Hell and B) started early, it's a safe bet to say that we are in a weather pattern that will carry this horrible winter on for a long time. That or you can believe the prognostication skills of a marmot rodent of the family Sciuridae, either way we're probably in this thing for the long haul.

Happy Groundhog Day from TNL!

Remember: don't drive angry!

Headbutts To All This Holiday Season

Merry Christmas from Wesley Willis and The Nittany Line!

Merry Christmas from TNL

May you all have a very merry Christmas and may that ugly tie you get from your aunt never see the light of day again.

Merry Christmas from TNL or as the TNL official spokesman Achmed the dead terrorist would say:

Merry Christmas, I KILL YOU!

BCS declares Germany winner of WWII

I had this sent to me via e-mail and could not let it pass without sharing it. I have no idea who created this but it's quite hilarious.

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolf Hitler said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

Tennessee Vols have secret recruiting weapon

Lost in all the hubbub of the introduction of the Tennessee Volunteers 21^st coach Lane Kiffin is the secret recruiting weapon that Kiffin is bringing with him. Fortunately, we at TNL have an intricate web of embedded spies working for us in the SEC and we have successfully absconded secret photos of Kiffin's diabolical plan to unleash his new recruiting tool on unsuspecting 18-year old men. Here for the first time are pictures of Kiffin and his secret weapon:

Lane Kiffin pictured here with the best recruiting tool available: his smoking hot wife!

What high school senior is going to be able to say "no" to that!?! And that's not even a good picture of her! CHRIST, we are in trouble.

Feel free to insert any and all sexual explicit one-liners in the comment section like… I wish she'd volunteer to be on my staff… or it must be the vols because she's the only Ten-I-See… or my favorite… man I'd have sexual intercourse with her!