Monday, December 08, 2008

BCS declares Germany winner of WWII

I had this sent to me via e-mail and could not let it pass without sharing it. I have no idea who created this but it's quite hilarious.

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolf Hitler said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

9 comments:

T-Mill said...

Galen,

You are made of win for this post. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

this is great. If you apply BCS logic you could pretty much justify any opinion you have.

Nick said...

C'mon Galen, France a preseason number 1?

Galen said...

Hey France may not be the powerhouse they once were but back in the day they were highly ranked... kinda like Notre Dame.

drozz said...

jerome brown heavily lobbied for japan to be the preseason #1 back in '86.

Chops said...

Brilliant, thanks

PSUgirl said...

Yeah, if you think about it - the US would have been SOL in their debut season if they hadn't gotten those recruits from France. France has a history of good coaching - but their game day execution was lacking in the WWII campaign.

One rule - never schedule an away game in Russia

jd said...

also, the argument could be made that the US's low ranking was due to facing a somewhat depeleted German squad. By the end of the war the Germans were relying on backups and third-string walk-ons. O, and Hitler left the team before the bowl game.

This, is probably why England is ranked higher than we were.

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