The lead balloon was also a good idea

I guess when you are ranked as the #1 party school by the 2009 Princeton Review you end up with things like this.

First-year Penn State students will have to take an online alcohol awareness course as part of a new program designed to combat high-risk drinking.

The students would begin taking the preventative course called "AlcoholEdu for College" before arriving on campus. The program created by Boston-based Outside the Classroom is already used at more than 500 colleges around the country.

A friend of mine led me to this because she has to take it as a new student and ironically she has already taken a couple classes like this because she's a part-time bartender. I had to take a similar class recently (for undisclosed reasons) and I have to say, outside of some interesting things about addiction, I really didn't learn much, it was mostly common sense. What little I've seen of this course leads me to believe that it will be the same thing. Online classes are not the answer to binge drinking, if they are really serious about it they would make them take a mandatory class where they actually have instructors and interaction, but knowing Penn State they would just shove everyone into a giant auditorium and play a recorded presentation.

Obama to bail out Detroit again

President Obama announced Sunday that he will bail out another failing Detroit business: the Red Wings. "It's apparent with the Detroit Red Wings play in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals that they need help from this administration," Obama said. "We have to be proactive, we can't wait for things to spiral out of control." Detroit lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals on their home ice in front of throngs of disappointed fans.

General manager Ken Holland was thankful for any help he could get. "Let's face it," Holland said, "we're not the team we once were, Pittsburgh is younger and more financially sound." Ironically, it was Pittsburgh that almost lost its franchise a few years back but with young stars like Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin the Penguins are a team on the rise. "We only have ourselves to blame," a humbled Holland said, "bad deals have left us in this position and the only way out is help from the government." Details of the deal have yet to be finalized but one of the major points of the agreement is naming rights. "The Hockeytown brand will now reside in Pittsburgh," Obama said "we can't honestly call a team that loses game 7 on home Ice Hockeytown." Philadelphia Flyers officials could not be reached for comment but it's certain that Pittsburgh's in-state little brother won't be happy with the news of the new Hockeytown.

TNL down for the count

Spent my holiday laying on the couch within 30 feet of a toilet at all times thanks in part to some alien bug that liquefied my lower intestines and my computer decided to kick the bucket so not going to be able to do much until I get things straightened out. In the meantime check out BSD, Mike says PSU has landed their ninth commitment, defensive back Stephon Morris and he also has a great breakdown of the running back targets for dear old PSU. Elsewhere in the PSU blogosphere, RUTS is back from his marathon in Vermont. Why is that important enough to link? Because typing 'marathon' and 'RUTS' in the same sentence makes me snicker.

The BCS is just fine thanks

BCS caretakers are currently huddled in an oceanfront resort in Florida discussing any tweaks to make the system better. [extreme sarcasm on] As if you could make this perfect system better?!? [extreme sarcasm off] Up for discussion is the idea of a plus-one model where four teams would participate in a semifinal before the actual national championship. Now, we at TNL highly endorse anything that gets college football closer to a playoff to truly decide the national champion... like... on the field... you know... so it's actually won and not calculated by some computer. What a thought.

Unfortunately, standing in the way with crossed arms and a stern look is none other than our glorious commissioner Jim Delany.

The plus-one may not seem complicated. But the plan requires unanimous approval, and the Big Ten and Pac-10 have already made clear they oppose it. The other conferences have been noncommittal.

Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said Monday that moving to a plus-one would equate to a playoff, and he sees no support for that option among the league's pesidents.

God, Jim's easy to love isn't he? But don't throw hate Jim's way it's not all his fault, or so he would have you believe.

"The perception that the Big Ten and Pac-10 are holding this back is not right," Delany said, after exiting a Tuesday morning meeting of conference commissioners and bowl and television representatives at an oceanfront hotel here. "We're seen as obstructionists when we did what we did to evolve the system. The calls for change are external. Ask others here how strongly they feel for a call for change. I don't see it."

"I think there are a lot of other people who like where they are, but they should say it," Delany said. "There are others in the room who like where we're at. There are no raised voices here. Everybody's mind is open for discussion."

Yes, I'm sure all the commissioners from the major conferences love the cash cow that you've created for them and don't want that aspect to change. While I could sit here and opine all day about the financial side of things the truth of the matter is this system has very little support among the people that actually support the schools: the fans. But don't let that get in the way, we're unimportant. [extreme sarcasm on] What's really at stake here is the student athletes. [extreme sarcasm off]

Swofford said league commissioners and athletic directors attending the BCS meetings have raised specific concerns about the plus-one model. The logistical difficulties of getting a team from a potential semifinal game at Dolphin Stadium in Miami to a championship game in Glendale, Ariz., seven days later, is among the concerns. Swofford said having a two-week period between the semifinals and BCS title game, like the NFL does with the conference championship games and Super Bowl, probably isn't plausible because university presidents have adamantly opposed extending college football's postseason beyond he first week of January.

"You run into the problem of taking it too deeply into second semester, which the presidential level says is unacceptable," Swofford said.

Yes, getting a WHOLE team from point A to point B WOULD prove extremely difficult because it's so hard to find a plane these days. We certainly wouldn't want to run into the second semester because... ah... well... I have no idea but it's just bad, take our word for it. As silly as that is the next statement is just absurd on new levels.

"The BCS has had controversy, but it's done some things well," Delany said. "I think everybody would have to concede it has done some things well. Even when the coaches and sportswriters were determining the national champion, there was controversy."

Delany said college football's rising popularity is proof the current BCS format works.

First and foremost I concede nothing, it's a heaping pile of smelly dog shit that is worse than the previous method and solves nothing. The only thing it's accomplished is to create a revenue stream for the major conferences and their members while all but eliminating small schools from getting their piece of the pie. It has done a fantastic job at that but I wouldn't call that a good thing. Lastly, Delany must have smoked some good shit in Florida if he thinks his last statement isn't retarded in every sense of the word. The rising popularity is proof that the BCS is liked by the fans?!? By that logic one could conclude that the explosion of AIDS in Africa is proof people actually like the disease. Sorry, Jim I don't believe you when you say there isn't voice for change and I certainly don't believe you when you say the BCS is in good standing. It sucks and the people that suffer the most are the fans. Ask administrators from Georgia and USC what they think of the system. Hell, ask coach Paterno what he thinks of the system, he'll be happy to tell you to remove the C from the BCS, he's said so in the past. Until there's something that resembles a playoff I'll forever wave my flag.

Charges against Sales dropped

Yeah, that little mishap on St. Patrick's Day... never mind.

Charges against a Penn State football player arrested following a St. Patrick's Day weekend celebration in Station Square were withdrawn or dismissed Thursday.

Tyrell Alexander Sales, 22, a Butler Area High School graduate, was charged with defiant trespass and disorderly conduct after police were called Saturday night for a disturbance at Margarita Mamas.

The defiant trespass charge was withdrawn by prosecutors at a Pittsburgh Municipal Court hearing.

A magisterial district judge dismissed the disorderly conduct charge.

Yo TNL, step off!

* Spudd Mckenzy here – yeah THE Spudd Mckenzy bitches! I'm the shit that won the PSU Rap Contest. Don't act like u don't know. I've been chillin' n workin' on my new, yet-to-be-released album: C-PA Gansta available in August on Caucasian-boy records. It's hard work makin' this shit look so good but I do it 24/7, u know what i'm sayin'? One of my boys dropped some knowledge on me the other day talkin' about this punk ass site TNL, all up in my grill and all, so I dropped some knowledge of my own on you punks, for real, you know what i'm sayin'?

all u kids are faggots...none of u little internet critics who rite comments on people's blogs in between rounds of masturbation and dungeons and dragons intermissions...u have no balls, i would like to see you stand up and perform in front of 100 people let alone 110,000 people and have have the success i
did...what this clearly biased and rather spotty article writes is also ludicrous, i never used the word "nigga" in my performance and i cant even hear anything that resembles the word in the part of the video that is posted here

pete the steak- i had actually performed the song live three other times during the whole contest winning part of the contest, the reason for the delay should be obvious to any1 with half a brain i had no earpiece in my ear and there was a delay btwn the mic and the stadium speakers, so u can lick my grundel and tell any of the hicks u chill with they can too

nick- i would beat the piss out of you facebook me and u can come meet me on campus

you guys can all sit behind ur computers and think ur the men but in reality u have tiny penises and have few friends

with love, spudd mckenzy

Aaatt's rite! All aboard cause the truth train is leavin' and it's about to run you asses over. I keep this shit real, dog. U faggots didn't even see that shit coming and it's like... *bam* all over you shit. That's how I roll, I'll pop a cap in your ass if I ever meet up with you, don't disrespect me like dat. I even added the love ending because it's all ironic and shit because I have nuthin' but hate for u bitches. Hate and pain, you know what I'm sayin'!? So come out of da basement and tell u momma I said Hi and I'd hit that and all but she's so fat... Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in. For real. So pete the "steak" and nick, watch your back, I'll be lookin' for your asses in the SC. Peace out!

Spudd Mckenzy is a guest columnist who has an unhealthy fixation with small penises and the area betwixt the anus and scrotum.

*100% absconded from BSD

THE OSU: THE Buffalo Bills of college football

Who could forget Thurman Thomas, Jim Kelly, Bruce Smith, and Andre Reed of the late 80's 90's? The Buffalo Bills used a fast-paced, hurry up offense to overwhelm opponents in the AFC often blowing through the conference playoffs with ease. The only problem was, while they were winning four straight AFC titles, when they got to the Super Bowl they laid an egg – four straight times. Congratulations Ohio State, you are the Buffalo Bills of the college world.

Similarities:
Both teams won consecutive conference/division titles (4 straight for Buffalo - 3 straight for OSU).
Both teams generally won with ease (3 of the 4 years for the Bills – 2 of the 3 years for OSU).
Both teams had one close winnable game in the championship and consecutive blowouts to follow.
Both have become a running punch line (trust me Buckeye fans it's only a matter of time).

Differences:
If not for a late pass interference call there would be no differences but alas, OSU did win the one close game they were in; the Bills… still searching.

Random Thoughts

• Even though Chris Wells ran for a 65 yard touchdown early on ,(slowly because the Big Ten doesn't have any speed) when Ohio State got down they panicked and abandoned the run way too early.
• For the second year in a row Jim Tressel got completely outcoached again. For a team that puts a metric assload of talent into the NFL, OSU should be winning these games; this team should be a dynasty.
• Big Ten coaches across the board should be watching the last two championship games because the SEC coaches have found something, if you can't glean anything from these two beatdowns you shouldn't be coaching.
• If you can cover, blitz the hell out of OSU because they fold like Superman on laundry day (gratuitous Seinfeld reference).
• Hey OSU, when Ryan Perrilloux enters the game it's going to be a run. Really. The God damn FOX announcer knew that why didn't you? Remember last year when Tim Tebow entered the game and you knew it was going to be a run yet you let him run all over you? Deja vu.
• Where's the great D?: LSU had 326 total yards, 25 first downs and were 11-18 on third down. The 31 unanswered points spelled doom for Ohio State just like the 21 unanswered last year.
• If you get flagged for 7 penalties, most of which are at the most inopportune times, you are probably going to lose.
• Quote of the day - LSU safety Harry Coleman: "They didn't fight back like an SEC team would do." Ouch.
• Thank God I wasn't rooting for Ohio State, it made it easier to go to bed long before this stinker was over and I don't feel bad about the loss.
• OSU: time to change the locks to 38-24.

Stupid is as stupid does

I haven't been covering this because it makes me sick in my stomach that a person in the Penn State "family" could be so mind numbingly dumb. In case you missed it, two Penn State student dressed like Virginia Tech shooting victims to a Halloween party this fall and if that wasn't stupid enough they put pictures of themselves on Facebook as if they did something creative. Yeah they were dipshits of the highest order. Of course the entire free world was appalled and many Penn State students tried to convince everyone that these two morons were not indicative of the Penn State student body as a whole. I think anyone with half a brain would realize that but it's a natural reaction to something so terrible. Well dipshit #1 got his just desserts in a very BIG way. (HT: RUTS has been all over this from the beginning)

Nathan Jones, one of the Penn State University students who dressed for Halloween as a Virginia Tech shooting victim, said the controversy has cost him his job. In an e-mail Friday, Jones said he was asked to resign Thursday from his post at Bank of America or be fired.

"They were worried that my name may be attached to the Bank of America brand, and that this controversy would lead to a scandal," he said.

Photos of Jones and another Penn State student were posted on Facebook and caused a national outcry. In interviews with several media outlets, including an on-camera piece on CNN this week, Jones refused to apologize.

"Things are going to be hard now, especially since I have no outside support. … However, even though I will be starving over the holidays and my credit cards will all default, I still will not apologize," he wrote.

You know what Nate, it brings a very huge smile to my face knowing you are starving over the holidays that's how much disdain I have for you. The fact that you don't understand what you did was so wrong on so many levels is sad. Hopefully the impending bankruptcy will teach you a very important lesson but I doubt it. Happy Holidays jackass.

Upon Further Review…

When I first read the Paterno road rage reports (read: rumors) I couldn't believe this was the behavior of our dear old coach. Hearing only one side of the story painted Paterno as a finger waving cranky old coot. I really had a hard time believing it and it felt something like this:

(HT: TNL reader Jeff and his bubble caption skills)

But now Paterno's side of the story is apparently out and it paints a decidedly different picture.

According to the sources, Paterno said after his close call he pulled his car over to the curb and got out. He then approached the other vehicle and shook his finger at the driver. He warned her to, "Watch it."

"Be careful," Paterno said. "I have your license number, and I will call the police on you."

According to the sources, Paterno said a male passenger then walked up and chastised him, saying, "That's my wife you're talking to."

Paterno said, "That's your problem."

The woman then snapped back at Paterno, telling him, "I'm going to call the police on you."

Paterno reportedly told the woman to go ahead.

She did just that.

(HT:BSD)

Apparently the poor victim in question ran a stop sign and JoePa wasn't pleased and frankly I don't blame him.

According to Joe, the woman ran a stop sign and stopped to pick up what is apparently her husband. Joe, being a cranky old man and prone to pointing out others mistakes, rolled up next to her and yelled out the window "Hey, you ran the stop sign, you could kill somebody."

(HT:The Wiz)

So apparently this was a case of some small run-in getting blown completely out of proportion depending upon who you believe. Personally, Joe's side of the story sounds a lot more believable than the out of control senile old coot.

NOT Joe