President Obama announced Sunday that he will bail out another failing Detroit business: the Red Wings. "It's apparent with the Detroit Red Wings play in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals that they need help from this administration," Obama said. "We have to be proactive, we can't wait for things to spiral out of control." Detroit lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals on their home ice in front of throngs of disappointed fans.
General manager Ken Holland was thankful for any help he could get. "Let's face it," Holland said, "we're not the team we once were, Pittsburgh is younger and more financially sound." Ironically, it was Pittsburgh that almost lost its franchise a few years back but with young stars like Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin the Penguins are a team on the rise. "We only have ourselves to blame," a humbled Holland said, "bad deals have left us in this position and the only way out is help from the government." Details of the deal have yet to be finalized but one of the major points of the agreement is naming rights. "The Hockeytown brand will now reside in Pittsburgh," Obama said "we can't honestly call a team that loses game 7 on home Ice Hockeytown." Philadelphia Flyers officials could not be reached for comment but it's certain that Pittsburgh's in-state little brother won't be happy with the news of the new Hockeytown.