Happy Thanksgiving from TNL

Before we run off and enjoy the busiest drinking night of the year* and then stumble out of bed around the crack of noon to gorge ourselves on Meleagris gallopavo and Pumpkin Pie**, we would like to wish everyone a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

With that in mind I would like to give you my list of things I'm thankful for in 2009 (not in any coherent order):

• Football
  

  Of course this goes without saying, I would not have started this blog had I not loved football, but this year was a really good year. Think about it, we saw underdog programs like TCU, Boise, and Cincinnati crash the BCS party making a mockery of a sham of a system. USC lost their usual head scratcher of a game and then got unceremoniously dumped from the Pac 10 race by none other than Stanford and their flamboyant coach by a score the likes of which was never before witnessed by Trojan players. Both Michigan and Notre Dame teased the mindless drones of the media early in the season making them take notice and begin salivating before getting flushed down the shitter. Admit it, the heart attack kids from Iowa were a fun bunch to watch, yeah you knew they would eventually loose but watching the miracle comebacks week after week was extremely entertaining. Pitt is once again relevant and you know what that means this offseason: talks of "the rivalry" will certainly pass the time. All in all, not a bad season of football and I for one am thankful
  

• Charlie Weis and Dick Rod
Speaking of Michigan and Notre Dame, how could you not love these two guys? And by love I mean how can you not love to watch two programs you love to hate, that once loved these guys, fall flat on their faces. It's a cornucopia of schadenfreude. The total arrogance of Weis with his flaunting of his super bowl rings, his now famous "9-3 isn't good enough" line after his first season, the botched gastric bypass and the corresponding FAILed malpractice lawsuit, he's the gift of FAIL that keeps on FAILing and it couldn't happen to a more arrogant school with a more arrogant fan base. I'm going to miss that fat bastard.

Then there's Rodriguez, the man that was going to bring the spread to Michigan and take the Big Ten by storm. Two seasons a record of 8-16 and a last place finish in the Big Ten this year' how's that working out for ya, Michigan fans? Rodriguez was Penn State's answer to "the streak" and how can I not be thankful for that? Thanks Dick Rod.


• Fantasy Football

  Yes Fantasy Football is very frustrating and no I haven't won dick in half a decade now but it's still fun to play. If it were not for fantasy football I wouldn't even watch the Pros. But thanks to it, every Sunday I'm at my local watering hole that has 10 TV's and the NFL ticket bouncing around from TV to TV like a drunken butterfly following my players. I honestly don't even have a team to root for; I just pray that the game in which my QB is playing goes into overtime so I get those bonus points.
  

• Boobs
  

  Yeah it's juvenile but I can't help myself; there are two things that make anything better, Boobs and bacon. I'm 36 years old and yet there's nothing that can get my attention like boobs. In fact, if only for a very short time, when I see these they trump everything else on my list. The male fixation with boobs is primal, now I can't explain it but if you want an explanation here's a great book that can (it's also the best book I read in 2009). Hey, there's a reason I read Boiled Sports and that's Sideboob Friday.
  

• DVR
  

  Still don't know how I lived without this thing. Record your series of shows you like, watch them whenever you like. Best… invention… ever.
  

• Beer

Always have been and always will be thankful for beer. We can sit and wax poetically about which beer is the best but at the end of the day we all love it.

"The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer."- Egyptian Proverb

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."- Homer Simpson

Happy Thanksgiving from TNL everyone!

*no really the night before Thanksgiving is one of the best selling and busiest nights for bars and clubs

**by the way, this is how pumpkin pie is made:

Penn State fans are ‘fierce’

I guess all those rumors about the way Penn State fans treat Ohio State (fans, band, and football players) must have some merit to them. At least that's what OSU offensive tackle Jim Cordle would have you believe.

"The term we use around here is black flag city. You obviously have to keep your head on a swivel, close ranks and just focus in. On the bus ride there, you come up a hill, then down by the stadium, and our bus is getting rocked. We're getting all kinds of beers thrown at us.

"Then you get to the locker room, and it's pretty bad. It's this old little shack under the bleachers. When you're walking out to the field, they have old steel bleachers you can see through, and people just line up and let you have it.

"Then, on the field, you see the whiteout. They get 'Zombie Nation' going, and obviously, that's the most feared stadium to play in. There's a lot of fierceness in those fans."

For the life of me, I've been going to Penn State football games for 20 years and I've watched the opposing teams come into the stadium and I've never seen this kind of thing happen. I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm saying I've never personally witnessed it. Honestly, if you're reading this and you're one of the one's throwing beer at OSU's bus shame on you for two reasons: 1) you're making Penn State fans look like assholes and 2) you're wasting perfectly good beer. You should be shot for #2. Being fierce and intimidating in the stadium is one thing, being a dick outside is something completely different, and anyone that is needs to take a long look in the mirror.

Blog Chips: The beer edition

Talking about beer is strange for TNL I know, but hey… I'm a creature of habit.

Big do-ins in tailgating
The biggest non-news news feature of the day: Paternovillians get to recharge their laptops.

This football season, campers will no longer have to trek to the Intramural Building or Findlay Commons to charge electronics. For the first time in the program's five-year history, Paternoville campers will have access to electrical outlets located on site at Gate A. ...the PCC is limiting use of the outlets for students to charge mattress pumps and computers only. Cohen said an occasional cell phone could be charged. Cohen, along with the other heads of Paternoville security, has the power to turn off the outlets if they are being misused.

Who's got odds on the first rain soaked Margarita blender incident that shuts the whole thing down? Anyone? An "occasional" cell phone charging is like an "occasional" beer to college students.

Speaking of beer…

Penn State officially bands the lowly peasants from drinking their common swill.

Penn State announced a new tailgating policy Monday that bans glass bottles from its grass parking lots, calling it a safety issue for children, students and animals. Even pouring the contents of a bottle into a cup won't please the police. Bottles won't be allowed anywhere in the grass lots, even if they're empty and in a recycling bag.

Yeah, so no more Jägermeister, or vodka people! We're only thinking of the children here. Oh the children in the concrete upitty parking lots?! Fuck them.

Those who tailgate on concrete will still be able to drink from glass -- the rule applies only to the grass lots.

Seriously, could they be any more transparent? The concrete parking lots (I've tailgated there many, many times thanks to my company) are full of high-priced, wine & cheese tailgate types and well… money talks so let's not piss them off but for the common folks: piss off.

Look I think this is a great idea, even though I've brought bottled beer to tailgates before (I'm one of the responsible ones that takes care of my trash) but you can't make different rules for different people, it's either a rule for everyone or it's not a rule at all. Letting come-late-and-tailgate-a-half-hour-before-kickoff-with-my-bottle-of-expensive-wine Harry has to follow the same rules as six-pack-Joe in lot 13. It's bullshit to do otherwise.

And speaking of bullshit…

Through the ever "effervescent" Black Heart Gold Pantaloons, Bud Light has started a "fan can" campaign.

The Bud Light promotion, which involves 27 different color combinations, started rolling out this month. Purple-and-gold cans are being sold near the campus of Louisiana State University, and red-and-gold containers near Iowa State University.

"Show your true colors with Bud Light," the company says, according to copies of internal marketing materials obtained by colleges. "This year, only Bud Light is delivering superior drinkability in 12-ounce cans that were made for gameday."

Basically, Bud Light changed the color of their two-toned cans to match the local college football team's colors and distributed them regionally. So if you're heading to the game and stop by W.R. Hickey you can pick up a case of (remember people cans only no bottles unless you give a lot of money to PSU) Bud Light in navy blue and white. *standing applause to the Belgium based InBev* I'm seriously impressed that I didn't think of this before, what a simple but effective way to get people to drink your beer. Impressive gentlemen and ladies. Of course I had to see this for myself so I ran into my favorite local distributor rep (or as I call him my pusher) the other day and sure enough he had the Penn State colored cans. Beautiful, but get yours while you can because they are truly evil.

Lisa Powers, Penn State's director of public information, said the school is a member of the Collegiate Licensing Co., and Penn State asked it to protest Budweiser's marketing for the school. Anheuser-Busch InBev's problems don't stop there. The Federal Trade Commission has discussed the issue with the brewer, the agency said. Regulators are concerned that cans will be marketed to fans under the legal drinking age of 21, said Janet Evans, a senior attorney at the FTC responsible for alcohol marketing issues.

Anheuser-Busch said if any of schools ask, they will pull the cans from local beer distributers and it looks like that will be the case for Penn State.

Yes, when I was 19 the color of a fucking can of beer got me to drink it. It wasn't the feeling of euphoria that pulled me in, no it was the color of the can. Thank you Lisa Powers for saving our children, we can all go to sleep at night knowing no one under the age of 21 will be drinking this weekend because the color of the Bud Light cans will not be the same as Penn State. Way to go girl!

Now excuse me while I try to find a bottle of Vodka in a gallon plastic container.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Even if you are not of Irish decent, TNL suggests you drink heavy doses of the following:


Happy St. Patrick's Day from TNL!

We want the lion… to stop drinking!

As most of you know James Sheep, the man currently playing the role of the Nittany Lion, was charged with DUI the weekend of the Michigan State game. Well the university has spoken and he will not be dressing as the lion for the rest of 2008 and Rose Bowl.

The university says Sheep will not participate in school events or attend the Rose Bowl game or events. Penn State cheerleading coach Curt White says Sheep will resume his duties in 2009.

But fear not oh loyal Lion follower the Lion will be at the Rose bowl.

The school says another member of the cheerleading squad will serve as mascot until Sheep returns.

God, not only do Penn State players have a drinking problem but even our mascot does. I'm just glad he didn't punch anyone.

You think this is tough, try doing it with a screaming hangover!

On Vacation

I have something that resembles a vacation scheduled for the next two days and I won't be around my computer much. Really it's getting harder and harder to blog about things this offseason and I'm starting to really get burned out. So I think I'll take a little break for a bit unless some of the players decide to get a little punchy again… it's been a while.

This IS vacation for me baby!

Forget apple pie what about Anheuser-Busch?

Editor's note: this has nothing to do with Penn State football but it hits close to home as far as I'm concerned.

Rumors have been flying for some time now that the nation's largest brewery is being targeted by InBev SA, a Belgian brewer, in a hostile takeover attempt. It appears the rumors are true.

The maker of Budweiser beer disclosed late Wednesday that InBev SA delivered an unsolicited all-cash bid of $65 a share. It's unclear whether senior Anheuser-Busch executives think the deal makes sense, but shareholders may be drawn to the offer that represents a sizable premium over the company's closing price of $58.35 Wednesday.

As a matter of full discloser, I'm not a flag waving, hand over my heart national anthem singing, red-white-and blue blooded American; in fact I pretty much question anything the government does but having said that is there really anything more American than Budweiser beer? I've ingested heroic amounts of Michelob light when I'm out and Busch light at home because A) my body can't handle the high calorie or alcohol content of regular beer in the quantities I drink and B) it's readily available at every bar and distributer. Oh, and Bush light brings out the inner redneck in me (ye haw!).

Don't get me wrong I'm a beer aficionado at heart, I've probably tried thousands of different types of beer in my life and breweries in Belgium make more beer (read: different varieties) in a calendar year than the rest of the world combined but no way in hell should a foreign company be permitted to take over Anheuser-Busch. Not only are we talking about the possibility of losing thousands of American jobs but we don't want to lose an American icon.

Worries about job cuts at Anheuser-Busch could be justified. InBev has a reputation for squeezing costs out of the companies it acquires, said Benj Steinman, editor of the Beer Marketer's Insights trade publication. Because of its size, and control of nearly half the U.S. beer market, Anheuser-Busch could be a ripe target for cost-cutting.

Do we really want the maker of Beck's and Stella Artois to run our beer company? Come on, Beck's is swill and Stella is nothing more than corporate yuppie drank. Yeah, I love craft beer (hell I make my own) and a Blue Moon or Corona w/ lime every now and then is a treat but when it comes down to it, dollar for dollar an ice cold Anheuser-Busch product quenches the thirst on a warm sunny summer day. Let's just hope, in the future, it's an American Anheuser-Busch product.

PBR me so I can RIP

I can't believe someone loves Pabst Blue Ribbon this much but hey, I give him bonus points for the creativity.

Bill Bramanti's favorite beer is Pabst Blue Ribbon. He loves it.

Really loves it.

So much so that he's already had his coffin specially made, and it's designed to look like a can of the trendy brew.

Now had that been a Yuengling lager can... well that's a different story.