We interrupt this broadcast…

I'm off to Vegas, baby! For the next week I promise absolutely nothing here at TNL. Perhaps I'll check in on you guys from time to time but perhaps not. Maybe I'll have the hookers I buy answer the Blue & White Roundtable questions next Wednesday. Just so you know what you'll be missing here's a rough itinerary for my trip*

Sunday June 17th

• Arrive at Vegas in afternoon
• Power drink
• Get married to girlfriend by bozo the clown with Elvis impersonator wedding party
• Win $10,000 on first slot played
• Loose all that on one big bet on black 37
• Pass out

Monday June 18th

• Get annulment when girlfriend walks in on me being the meat in a hooker sandwich
• Eat breakfast at $5 buffet
• Get thrown out of casino by really uncool pit boss when I try to trade the hookers for more chips at blackjack table
• Spend the rest of the day trying to be one of the "participating audience members" of Zumanity
• Pass out

Tuesday June 19th

• Sell plane ticket for more gambling money
• Narrowly escape police after taking dip in the fountains at Bellagio
• Get job as street performing magician known as The Great Milenko
• Get my ass kicked by Insane Clown Posse for stealing the name The Great Milenko
• Narrowly escape KA's "wheel of death"

• Get in fight with Wolfgang Puck after telling him he's a pussy that can't cook worth a damn
• Pose as pimp passing out hooker cards but instead of passing out cards with women on them pass out actual poker cards just to confuse the hell out of everyone
• Get thrown out of Rainforest Café after drunkenly mistaking one of the animated animals for real and attacking it with my pocket knife.
• Pass out

Wednesday June 20th

• Run naked through the middle of one of the Streetmosphere performances at the Venetian
• Legally change name to Mad Max just so I can enter the "Adventuredome" at Circus Circus and be the only one to leave
• Punch nerds leaving Star Trek: The Experience just so I can say "congratulations you just had Galen: The Experience"
• Eat nice seafood buffet
• Tease Lions at MGM Grand Lion Habitat



Here kitty kittty

• Kick Danny fucking Gans in the jimmies for making a career out of Vegas
• Pass out
• Tease fat chicks taking Stripper 101 class with cartons of Ben & Jerry's.
• Gamble away the rest of my life savings
• Pass out again

Thursday June 21st

• Start thumbing my way back to Pennsylvania

*itinerary subject to change at any time

I know what you're thinking: "that's a lota stuff to do Galen" but I'm up to it. I may actually fit in some more meals but I don't want food getting in the way of my drinkin' time. Actually selling my plane ticket is a bold-faced lie, no one in their right mind would pay good scratch for a plane ticket from Vegas to Baltimore. No one.