Friday, June 15, 2007

We interrupt this broadcast…

I'm off to Vegas, baby! For the next week I promise absolutely nothing here at TNL. Perhaps I'll check in on you guys from time to time but perhaps not. Maybe I'll have the hookers I buy answer the Blue & White Roundtable questions next Wednesday. Just so you know what you'll be missing here's a rough itinerary for my trip*

Sunday June 17th

  • Arrive at Vegas in afternoon
  • Power drink
  • Get married to girlfriend by bozo the clown with Elvis impersonator wedding party
  • Win $10,000 on first slot played
  • Loose all that on one big bet on black 37
  • Pass out

Monday June 18th

  • Get annulment when girlfriend walks in on me being the meat in a hooker sandwich
  • Eat breakfast at $5 buffet
  • Get thrown out of casino by really uncool pit boss when I try to trade the hookers for more chips at blackjack table
  • Spend the rest of the day trying to be one of the "participating audience members" of Zumanity
  • Pass out

Tuesday June 19th

  • Sell plane ticket for more gambling money
  • Narrowly escape police after taking dip in the fountains at Bellagio
  • Get job as street performing magician known as The Great Milenko
  • Get my ass kicked by Insane Clown Posse for stealing the name The Great Milenko
  • Narrowly escape KA's "wheel of death"


  • Get in fight with Wolfgang Puck after telling him he's a pussy that can't cook worth a damn
  • Pose as pimp passing out hooker cards but instead of passing out cards with women on them pass out actual poker cards just to confuse the hell out of everyone
  • Get thrown out of Rainforest Café after drunkenly mistaking one of the animated animals for real and attacking it with my pocket knife.
  • Pass out

Wednesday June 20th

  • Run naked through the middle of one of the Streetmosphere performances at the Venetian
  • Legally change name to Mad Max just so I can enter the "Adventuredome" at Circus Circus and be the only one to leave
  • Punch nerds leaving Star Trek: The Experience just so I can say "congratulations you just had Galen: The Experience"
  • Eat nice seafood buffet
  • Tease Lions at MGM Grand Lion Habitat

  • Here kitty kittty

  • Kick Danny fucking Gans in the jimmies for making a career out of Vegas
  • Pass out
  • Tease fat chicks taking Stripper 101 class with cartons of Ben & Jerry's.
  • Gamble away the rest of my life savings
  • Pass out again

Thursday June 21st

  • Start thumbing my way back to Pennsylvania

*itinerary subject to change at any time

I know what you're thinking: "that's a lota stuff to do Galen" but I'm up to it. I may actually fit in some more meals but I don't want food getting in the way of my drinkin' time. Actually selling my plane ticket is a bold-faced lie, no one in their right mind would pay good scratch for a plane ticket from Vegas to Baltimore. No one.

1 comment:

Run Up The Score! said...

Mmmmmm. Hooker sandwich.