Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Matchup Comparison Rating is catching up

I've been on vacation and very busy. For some reason I end up taking vacation and working more than I do at work. I missed a couple bowls but I'm back now and hopefully can complete the year out. Don't worry, your TNL fan club sponsorship fee will be cheerfully refunded. Onward!

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl
Maryland (7-5) vs. Nevada (7-5)
4:30 PM – ESPN
A word from our sponsor: Yes!!! a bowl game… in Idaho… brought to you by a trucking company. That's apropos considering the only people that would voluntarily visit Idaho are truckers. And maybe potato farmers.
On the field: Maryland ended the regular season on a 1-3 skid transforming a possible Orange Bowl berth into a trip to Boise. Now they get to face one of the best offenses in the nation, congrats on that. Nevada is 5th in total yards and the 2nd best rushing team. Running back Vai Taua has 1420 yards rushing and is averaging 6.7 yards per clip. Did I mention that Maryland has the 72nd ranked rush defense in the nation? Oh by the way Nevada quarterback Colin Kaepernick was the WAC offensive player of the year while passing for 2,479 yards and 19 TDs and rushing for 1,115 yards and 16 scores. Hide the woman and children.
+1 offensive juggernaut
+1 kick-ass rushing attack
+1 dual-threat QB
+1 awesome RB name impossible to pronounce by a mere mortal TV announcer

-1 extreme possibility of blowout
MCR 3 (Jessica Simpson Sex Tape)

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl
(13) Oklahoma St (9-3) vs. (17) Oregon (9-3)
8:00 PM – ESPN
A word from our sponsor: Any bowl sponsored by a foot long hotdog,
Casino and brewing company (warning – link has unstoppable annoying Hawaiian-themed background music) is ok in my book. That's just a match made in heaven.
On the field: This one is simple people: we have two really explosive offenses against two really shitty defenses. This one could end up 100-96. Both running backs average 6.7 yards per carry or better, the two quarterbacks combined for 36 touchdowns while only throwing 12 INT's, and both offenses rank in the top ten in total yards, rushing yards, and points. It's going to be good.
+1 two awesome offenses
+1 two ranked teams with identical records
+1 two top ten rushing attacks
+1 possibility of scoreboard explosion
+1 two teams scoring over 40 points per game
-1 no defense (this could be a good thing though)
MCR 4 (Viper/Shelby Cobra)

Texas Bowl
Western Michigan (9-3) vs. Rice (9-3)
8:00 PM – NFL Network
A word from our sponsor: Wow, what a bevy of garbage that sponsors this bowl. There are sixty nine (that's 69!) sponsors for this bowl. And the assholes at the NFL network have taken this game hostage so most of you won't see it any way. Good game to host NFL network, why don't you stick to showing bland professional football and let the good stuff to the networks people actually care about?
On the field: Rice essentially gets a home game in this one so look for them to have a strong following, that is if you can actually watch the game. Rice boasts the 5th best passing attack and the nation's only receiving tandem that averaged over 100 receiving yards per game (WR's James Casey and Jarrett Dillard). Both quarterbacks have thrown for more than 3500 yards and 34 and 41 touchdowns respectively. The Broncos defense ranks 96th in the nation against the pass. Again the theme for today is points, points, points.
+1 two great passing attacks
+1 two great offenses vs. two shitty defenses
+1 two awesome quarterbacks with playstation numbers
-1 NFL Network can kiss our asses.
MCR 2 (Microwave Dinner)

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