Rich Rodriguez, Have You No Shame?

If wooing John Beilein and Rodriguez away from West Virginia University wasn’t enough. Accusations have been leaking out that Coach Rodriguez destroyed critical paperwork regarding contact info, scholarship money, class attendance records, personal conduct and community service, summer camp financials, booster data, strength and conditioning files, recruiting info and was calling Michigan recruits from his West Virginia cell phone. Apparently, that was just scratching the surface of what is quickly becoming an ugly affair.

Now it seems he has set fire to all football and training facilities, including Mountaineer Field. West Virginia athletic director Ed Pastilong commented, “we are just shocked that someone would go to such lengths to hurt this fine institution.” The university was not his only target however, as he coordinated a massive state-wide destruction of vegetation to deliver his message. Governor Joe Manchin III was visibly upset at his press conference this morning, “I was just shown the satellite images and this behavior is just unacceptable. I am going to discuss with Attorney General Darryl McGraw, Jr. a plan of action to prosecute this wanton, disgusting act.”

This is getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous.

Continuing to twist the knife further, Coach Rodriguez convinced the Mountaineer mascot to join him on the sidelines this fall in the Big House. Asked to explain himself, he responded, “there had been a lot of debate regarding the origin of the Wolverine mascot and I brought the Mountaineer up to settle it. From this point forward, we will based on the resistance force in the seminal 1984 film Red Dawn. A group of fine, resourceful young men and women who fought communist invaders like true red-blooded American heroes. My feeling is this fall Michigan can stand together as a whole and proudly declare ourselves Wolverines as we march forward to victory. Suck my balls, West Virginia.”

His hatred keeps him warm.