Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Alcohol + Youth = Fun

Ahhhh to be young and carefree with the world at your fingertips - must be nice, or at least I imagine so since A) I am no longer young and B) never had the opportunities of a highly touted football recruit. But If I had I would imagine that I would have got myself into some trouble; not as much as South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia or Washington running back Michael Houston but I would have some fun.

Garcia was arrested early Saturday morning on the 17th in a restaurant and nightclub district near the university and charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. The 19 year old ran away from the officer and tried to hide in an alley. When the officer caught up with him, he turned toward the officer "in a threatening manner." The officer "immediately engaged his baton" but did not use it. Garcia was trying to zip up his pants and fix his belt.

Forgetting the hilarious image of a pantless, drunk kid trying his best to appear “threatening” - what the hell was he doing hiding in an alley? Did he think that the officer was so blind he wouldn’t notice a 6’3” 212 pound man without pants? Where did he try to hide, a cardboard box? I’ve been down quite a few alleys in my life, especially outside bars, and I don’t remember too many good hiding spots.

Not to be outdone, Houston was charged with second-degree taking a motor vehicle without permission and driving said vehicle while intoxicated. Michael’s car of choice: the cab that picked him and three other acquaintances up from a strip club. When one of his entourage spit on the cab’s window at a fast food restaurant (because every drunk gets the munchies late at night) the driver stepped out to call 911, Houston jumped into the front seat and drove off.

Now THERE is your next version of Grand Theft Auto.

Grand Theft Auto: College Thug Life
Game Strategy
-Be sure to whack Michael Houston’s drunk ass before he steals that cab and runs you over
-don’t worry about the cops, once Stephen Garcia realizes his “cover” is blown he’ll advance on them “in a threatening manner”
-you can’t kill Garcia with a gun you have to “engage your baton”
-don’t shoot the Gamecocks cheerleader, that’s bad Juju.
-Ty Willingham isn’t present until the San Juan Celebrity Golf Classic level

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