by Staff handicapper Betty Urass
Betty here… back to share some of the great knowledge of Perry County, the gambling hotbed of central Pennsylvania. Now I know I was 2 – 4 last week and I’ve been taking a lot of heat from the bridge club, but that’s why pencils have erasers. Let’s get to the games.
Michigan State at Pittsburgh -3
The only person that I truly trust is Doc Johnson that runs the free clinic down on Main Street. He sure was right on with his prediction of Pittsburgh last week so I decided to visit him at the clinic for his prediction for this week. Now that waiting room sure was full even though there were only two of us: me and Mike Crotch. You see Mike is pretty darn big, if you ask me, and Doc Johnson agrees, but he does say that Mike Crotch is nice and I think I have to agree with that. Mike, Doc Johnson, and I all agreed that Pittsburgh will pull this one out.
Betty’s bet: Pittsburgh
Michigan at Notre Dame -6
Imus, the nice man that cleans my chicken coop said that he is sure Michigan will beat Notre Dame. I don’t know about that because Imus ain’t right in the head and he was arrested by a Notre Dame grad working night security at the local Wal-Mart so it might be a retaliation pick. Kleptomania aside, I don’t think Notre Dame can keep up with the pace they set last week and Michigan sure has some nice helmets.
Betty’s bet: Michigan
Miami (FL) at Louisville -4
I have a rule of thumb when betting on college football: always go with the team with the most criminals. Miami lost to Florida State when they had most of their players out because of disciplinary reasons; sounds like a bunch of bad eggs to me. Now those bad boys will be back and ready to take on the world like Oprah takes on a breakfast buffet.
Betty’s bet: Miami
Oklahoma at Oregon -5
Oregon is like our town drunk Phil McCrakin. Phil was a golden gloves boxer and sure can handle himself in a fight, but most people have no respect for him. He dresses funny and shows up drunk to nearly every important occasion. Oregon dresses funny and shows up to nearly every important game like they have no idea how to play. But just like Phil, I wouldn’t want to mess with Oregon if they have their wits about them.
Betty’s bet: Oregon
Florida at Tennessee +4
Florida and Tennessee hate each other like the Jews hate Mel Gibson. Back to my rule of thumb, is there any bigger criminal then Phil Fulmer? Why he’s the Tony Soprano of college football, except he’s much bigger and much less likable. Florida tries hard but always finds a way to screw things up; just like the nice boys that ride the short bus to school.
Betty’s bet: Tennessee
Michigan State at Pittsburgh -3
The only person that I truly trust is Doc Johnson that runs the free clinic down on Main Street. He sure was right on with his prediction of Pittsburgh last week so I decided to visit him at the clinic for his prediction for this week. Now that waiting room sure was full even though there were only two of us: me and Mike Crotch. You see Mike is pretty darn big, if you ask me, and Doc Johnson agrees, but he does say that Mike Crotch is nice and I think I have to agree with that. Mike, Doc Johnson, and I all agreed that Pittsburgh will pull this one out.
Betty’s bet: Pittsburgh
Michigan at Notre Dame -6
Imus, the nice man that cleans my chicken coop said that he is sure Michigan will beat Notre Dame. I don’t know about that because Imus ain’t right in the head and he was arrested by a Notre Dame grad working night security at the local Wal-Mart so it might be a retaliation pick. Kleptomania aside, I don’t think Notre Dame can keep up with the pace they set last week and Michigan sure has some nice helmets.
Betty’s bet: Michigan
Miami (FL) at Louisville -4
I have a rule of thumb when betting on college football: always go with the team with the most criminals. Miami lost to Florida State when they had most of their players out because of disciplinary reasons; sounds like a bunch of bad eggs to me. Now those bad boys will be back and ready to take on the world like Oprah takes on a breakfast buffet.
Betty’s bet: Miami
Oklahoma at Oregon -5
Oregon is like our town drunk Phil McCrakin. Phil was a golden gloves boxer and sure can handle himself in a fight, but most people have no respect for him. He dresses funny and shows up drunk to nearly every important occasion. Oregon dresses funny and shows up to nearly every important game like they have no idea how to play. But just like Phil, I wouldn’t want to mess with Oregon if they have their wits about them.
Betty’s bet: Oregon
Florida at Tennessee +4
Florida and Tennessee hate each other like the Jews hate Mel Gibson. Back to my rule of thumb, is there any bigger criminal then Phil Fulmer? Why he’s the Tony Soprano of college football, except he’s much bigger and much less likable. Florida tries hard but always finds a way to screw things up; just like the nice boys that ride the short bus to school.
Betty’s bet: Tennessee
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