Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Pre-Signing Day Safety Instructions

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Nittany Airlines flight 2008 with service to University Park. It’s a pleasure to have you onboard and flying with us.

Welcome aboard. Before we depart, please remove the safety card from the seat pocket in front of you and follow along as we demonstrate the safety features of this Boeing 707 airplane. We appreciated your complete attention to this important safety information.

If you’re a recruiting expert you may be required to assist the crew in an emergency. If you are unable to perform the functions described on the safety card please advise the flight attendant for reseating.

To fasten your seatbelt low and tight across your lap, insert the metal fitting into the buckle. Tighten the belt by pulling on the loose end of the strap. To release your seatbelt lift the buckle flap. When the seatbelt sign is illuminated, immediately be seated and buckle up. To ensure your safety, your seatbelt should be fastened at all times when you are seated.

There are exit doors and panic buttons anywhere you look. Each is equipped with an evacuation slide that automatically inflates. Each exit is marked with a sign overhead. The main doors open by moving the large handle in the direction of the arrow. Open the over-the-wing exits by removing the cover and pulling down on the marked handle. Be sure to jump into the slide with your legs in front of you. When you are on the ground, move away from the airplane. In the event of a water landing main door slides can be detached from the airplane and used for supplemental flotation. Over-wing exits should not be used in a water landing unless directed by a crewmember.

Look around to locate the two exits nearest your seat. In some cases, your nearest useable exit may be behind you. In an evacuation, exit pass lights will illuminate to guide you to an exit. Your seat bottom cushion can be used for flotation in a water landing. To use, pull the cushion from the seat, slip your arms through the straps and hug the cushion to your chest as shown on the safety cards. In the event of a Michael Shaw decommitment or Terrelle Pryor commitment to another school, oxygen masks will drop from above your seat. To start the flow of oxygen, firmly pull the mask toward you to extend the plastic tubing. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, slip the elastic band over your head and tighten the straps if necessary. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen will flow to the mask. Secure your mask before helping others and continue using until you realize you’re overreacting about the decisions of high school seniors.

Nittany Airlines is a non-marijuana smoking airline and really we don’t recommend any smoking for incoming players, U.S. law prohibits tampering with, disabling or destroying a lavatory smoke detectors and firing of arrows through walls. NCAA rules require customers to comply with all lighted signs, placards and institutional instructions.

Please ensure your carry-on items and tray tables are stowed, your seat back is in its full, upright and locked position, head rest stowed and your seatbelt is securely fastened. Be sure that laptop computers, cell phones, all personal electronics, loose money and Corvettes are turned off and properly stowed. If an emergency evacuation becomes necessary, leave all carry-on items behind.

If you have any questions regarding safety, please ask the flight attendant. On behalf of your flight crew, thank you for your attention to safety. It is our pleasure to have you aboard and we hope you enjoy your flight on Nittany Airlines.


Run Up The Score said...

No marijuana?

Screw this noise, I'm flying Soul Plane.

Nick said...

Hey, we got spinners and hydraulics too. Bounce with me.