Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Clarett arrested, again.

The Energizer bunny of police reports keeps things buzzing along. Maurice Clarett was arrested Wednesday after a highway chase that ended with police using Mace because the bullet-proof vest Clarett was wearing stopped the Taser police shot him with. Luckily, police were able to get to Clarett before he could get to one of his four loaded guns. I’m not making this up, this actually happened. Wonder what his new lawyers think now.

Illegal U-turns, spike strips, resisting arrest, Tasers, Mace, and bullet proof vests, one has to wonder what is really going on here? We have a few suggestions:

1) Clarett is indeed part of a real life Columbus A-team, secretly planning the downfall of OSU and was caught while enacting stage one of said plan. We guess Clarett would play the roll of B.A Baracus and would indeed pity the fool that gets in his way.

2) With Clarett’s waning endorsement funds and compounding court costs, he is trying to cut a deal to be the poster boy of Cops: Columbus because the show has a dearth of good footage now that Carl Monday is on the job.

3) Clarett is just practicing for his part in the upcoming Mel Gibson movie: Mad Max – beyond Beitechah where Mel and Clarett blame everything on Jews. The movie will be full of swearing and car chases with references to all females as “sugar tits.”

We don't need another hero!

This just keeps getting better and better.

1 comment:

Cool Hand Mike said...

I hate to say this but this guy has "Dead by 30" written all over him.